Baku Surprise

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Three years ago, I was undertaking an epic Round-The-World flight sponsored by http://www.Surclaro.com as part of the awareness campaign in the search for Maddie McCann see http://www.findmadelaine.com

I flew out of Waddington AFB to Stockholm then across the Baltic Sea to Helsinki, then across the Gulf of Finland to Tallinn in a Blizzard, when the weather calmed down a bit I headed south-east to Moscow, where we picked up 35 passengers, Russian Army Officers going out on a exercise, we dropped them at Volgograd, and headed for Astrakhan where I was determined to buy a hat.

Here on a little airstrip in the delta of the mighty River Volga, excuse my singing the Vulger Boatman "da da dah daar -- da da dah  daar" - earplugs are optional. I walk into the town see if I can buy that hat.

"You vant a cat?"

"Niet! I vant a hat, eh?" OK OK. Huh! having given up on that, and holding the cat in a small box,, I walk across some railway tracks and that's when I was stopped by a very pretty natasha in a military uniform not familiar to me, with her was her own Ivan the Terrible (Well he smelt terrible to me) he poked me in the ribs with his ancient AK47, I was not amused what with me being a War Hero an-all I told him so too.

This Ivan he demanded "Ten roubles or your wife," had to think about that one. As I waved a 20 under his nose, an ancient Zil limousine pulls out of a side street, six men jump out a shove poor Ivan unceremoniously into the back of the car.

Their leader who identifies himself as Josef, smartly salutes little natasha, offers me a grubby hand while slapping me heartily on the back with the other.

"OK Engliss you back to plane, Yes?" he took a garlicy breath " You take little natasha, Baku Yes?"
Then off they sped off in a cloud of dust, leaving little natasha and me stood in the middle of the street.

"We go Eglissss, OK", says she, its then that despite her delightful smile, she waves a minscule pistol so in my very best Russian I answer "Da, we go" and back we go to Maddie.
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Are you still awake, I wondered  if you had nodded off I'm sure I can hear snoring!

Hey You! yes you in the third row wake up, I'll expect you to repeat all this to the papers if we don't get home.

When we get back to Maddie Ivan and his mates have a six wheeled ex Russian Army truck backed up to Maddies hatch and they're loading crates of scotch into her belly.

"Is OK Englisss?" says little natasha  still  waving her pistol. "Some for you, Yes!"

We taxi out, take off and head to Baku, where the obligatory ex Russian Army truck is waiting on the runway "You stop now!" she says sticking her pistol into my right ear, a little to close for comfort. and true to her word when they are all gone a crate of Johnny Walker sits on the John.

"Let's get out of here I say" pushing the throttles fully open, and we dash down the runway into the setting sun.